Pursuit of another

I am better at being a single man than I am a man in a relationship. Its not that I am unable to perform or feel all the necessary emotions and gestures required to be connected with another human being its more that other people have a real tough time understanding me. I went on a date tonight with a lovely guy and I made every effort to subtly reveal my inner most thoughts through humors analogies and personal memories, only to be confronted with the most basic black 'n' white opinions that made no reference to anything I was attempting to communicate with him. Maybe I expect far too much from people but this doesn't seem to be the case when it comes to my close friends. I am able to crudely blurt out an idea or concept to a good friend and receive a genuine connected response. So why is it I can't have a similar experience with a guy I have the hots for? Imagine how amazing it would be to have the combination of sexual attraction and mental connection. This is what I predict love to be. I have felt it once before with a naive, younger mind but to feel this with a mature more selective state of consciousness would be in a word, immaculate.

I've deiced that although I am deserving I am not ready for an immaculate experience at this point in time. If I was I wouldn't be writing about how I am unable to require it and instead I would be telling you about how wonderful it is to be truly satisfied in everything and emotionally complete. How ever negative this may sound I am very happy at the moment because I have once again proved to myself that I enjoy my own company and that I like myself. This may not seem like much to you but this is coming from a individual who use to think very little of himself. I have a core set of values and morals all my own that I respect and honor at all times and this is why I don't dislike who I am. If I had to improve anything it would be to reduce my constant self obsessing, which isn't all that bad or all that narcissistic. It would be nice to meet someone I fancied who understood this fully but its not essential. Until then their are good friends, interesting dates and alone time that can stimulate and satisfy much more than the pursuit of another.