Skinner's box

Getting over the boy has been easier than I thought. Coming to terms with being dumped, less so. Now that a few days have passed by I can see very clearly that I was way more into having a boyfriend than I was into him. He was great in so many ways but the spark was defiantly being generated by my desire to be in a serious relationship rather than desiring him. I also have this novel idea that being in a relationship keeps me out of trouble. It’s really unfair of me to impose this onto another. I should be able to keep myself out of trouble all on my own. What I can take from this experience is that I have the patients and the empathy required to be in love with another person. He was like my stepping stone relationship, bridging the gab between not trusting to trusting again. The first serious relationship I have had with a guy since my ex husband. I had three long years as a single before entering into a relationship again and I think I knew that it was way over schedule. At least now I am sure that I have the ability to leave behind the past and enter into something new without repeating the same mistakes.

This isn't exactly the beginning of a new year I had in mind, suffering from withdraw, flu and another failed relationship, but I have my logical thought is in tact. I can see what needs fixing and what can wait. Prioritising all the work that needs to be done on me with my very own DIY Psychology. I came across this psychologist on a BBC documentary called Burrhus Frederic Skinner, who was also an inventor and poet. He created this technique to train new behaviors in pigeons and rats in the hope the same techniques could be used on humans and control the negative behaviors of the masses. Despite people rejecting his research as damaging to free will his research has filtered down into our every day lives in the way we take care of one another. Encouraging positive change into the people we care about in a more precise fashion. You could almost describe it as progressive manipulation. Skinner invented a box called the operant conditioning chamber which would ingrain these new behaviors into the animals he humanely tested his theories on. Things are so much more simpler to work with when they are condensed into a box. If I were to take all the things that take precedents in my life, put them in a box and arrange them in such a way I could retrain my process of thought. I could eliminate negative behaviors and become an enlightened individual, finally free from all my negative restraints. So why is it I don't proceed with my experiment? What is it that I am scared of losing? In some ways it may be my youth, which is also my frailty. Without my human frailty I would have to take responsibility for all that has passed and all that is to come. Someone isn't going to come into my life put me in a box for a few days and renew me into the person I want to be. I have to accept that I should do it on my own without even a little bit of help. If I waited for help from somewhere else it could be too late.