Don't do an Amy

Buprenorphine has taken a lot of strength to get use to. The methadone withdrawal I experienced over the weekend has been extended into the first few days of taking this new drug Buprenorphine. My doctor tells me it works in a completely different way to other opiate-based medication and my body needs to adjust to new ways in which it works. Today, however I was sent home from work for looking so terribly ill. Little do my colleagues know this is the face of withdrawal. Its not a pretty sight but seeing as I was able to pull my tired body out of bed this morning I though that I would be well enough to come into work. I made the most of my time off by going to the addiction clinic again and asking the doctor to increase my 8mg of Buprenorphine to a higher dose. He happily prescribed me 12mg a day and sent me on my way. It hasn’t had a huge amount of affect though and I am hoping that I wont need to be prescribed any more. I really don’t want to be taking huge amounts of this drug now. I would like to think that I can be my normal self again in a few months and the higher I go the longer it takes to come off it. At least I’m off the methadone. That was scaring me. It feels so good taking that every morning I knew that if I kept on taking it I wouldn’t be able to ever come off it.

Amy Winehouse’s toxicology results from her postmortem were returned to the Winehouse family today and confirm that there were no illegal substances in Amy's system at the time of her death. Its kind of scary to think that Amy was in recovery and that whatever caused her death was probably the thing that was supposed to save her. With this in mind I want to tread carefully. I dont want to do an Amy on everyone. Its funny how during the time I was an addict I behaved like I was invincible and in recovery I am so sensitive to how delicate human life is. Its can be taken away in a moment in hundreds of thousands of ways and yet we buzz about our lives almost unaware that every second should be cherished like it was your last. The rest of my day off was spent with the Italian American. He is so adorable I have no idea what I will do when he returns to NYC. But I’m not going spend to much time thinking about it now. Cherish every second.